by ZXBasicGames
Spoilers ahead. Best download and play first if you fancy experiencing municipal crisis management yourself.
A Crap Game for ZX Spectrum.
On a fateful Wednesday in Madrid, Mayor José Luis Martínez-Almeida stood before a crowd at the inauguration of a monument to fallen journalists, delivering a speech about the perils of press freedom. Just as he concluded his remarks—fresh from yesterday's haircut, no less—a pigeon delivered its own editorial comment directly onto his head, clearly showing what it thought of his speech. The mayor handled it with grace, joking that it brought good luck and that journalism truly is a risky profession. And now, ZXBasicGames has immortalised this moment of avian political commentary in 128K Sinclair BASIC for the ZX Spectrum +3.
PALOMA PATROL begins with pixel art of pigeons in flight and a QR code linking directly to the actual video of the incident—a perfect marriage of 1980s computing and modern multimedia. The premise inverts the real event brilliantly: you ARE the mayor, holding a press conference in Plaza Mayor. The journalists await your grand announcements. There's just one problem—Madrid's pigeons have breakfasted well, and they're locked and loaded. Your mission, as a "good manager," is to maintain decorum and cleanliness at all costs. Pigeon droppings must not touch the ground. They must not stain your suit. The solution? Intercept every single turd with your own head. He's been anointed as the chosen one, clearly—a divine message about municipal policies delivered from a dizzy height. If humans could fly, he'd get this all the time. Political crisis management has been distilled to its purest form: deliberately positioning yourself beneath descending faeces to protect public spaces and your wardrobe. We need to train UK pigeons better, frankly.
The game presents lovely pixel art: the mayor outdoors, Madrid's buildings behind, journalists in front, and a pigeon gliding horizontally across the top. When the bird stops, you press any key—but here's the twist: your position changes randomly. You don't control where the mayor moves; you can only trigger the relocation and hope. The pigeon then releases its payload, showing what it thinks of your mayoral performance. Land it on your head and a satisfying "PLOF" erupts. Miss, and you've failed Madrid. This randomness is genius—you're a politician, of course you don't actually control anything. After successfully headbutting enough droppings (supposed to be good luck, they say), victory arrives: "YOU HAVE KEPT PLAZA MAYOR SPOTLESS. THE PRESS CONFERENCE HAS BEEN A CLEANING SUCCESS. MADRID BREATHES EASY (AND SO DOES YOUR SUIT)!" The code is obfuscated BASIC, adding mystery, but the QR code remains the star feature—linking a 1980s Spectrum to YouTube evidence of the very incident you're playing. Supposed to bring you good luck? No luck at all—it's just a bird crapping on your head. But at least now you can experience it interactively.
Download, here
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